10 things I've learned about Montana

So it's been almost a year since Brad and I moved to Montana, and here are a few of the thoughts I had while I drove home in record-low temperatures tonight (our high today was -10 and the low was -23.) It's not supposed to get above freezing for a full week.

Here's my Montana snow-rant.

1. Plowing the roads is over-rated in the eyes of the locals. Driving on two-inches of ice and a foot of snow is expected here. Seriously, they don't plow anything other than the highways, and once they realized they couldn't really get rid of all the snow and ice they just stopped trying. Now the roads are covered, and people have driven the snow and ice into ruts on the road, so you can't help but end up in the ditch.

2. When you find yourself in the ditch, you better hope that the city of Billings hasn't instituted the "slick streets" policy. It means that the police and fire/rescue won't come help you unless you're hurt. Which means you are on your own, and better hope some good Samaritan with a winch on his oversized truck comes by to help you.

3. School is never canceled, ever.

4. For that matter, neither is work.

5. When your car spins out (or you do it intentionally) it's not a "doughnut" it's a "broadie"

6. Store-owners say they "can't wait for it to be above zero outside," not above freezing, not that they are ready for the summer, just above zero degrees...

7. Horses in Montana must be made of indestructible steel, because most are outside without any blankets, and it's -20 degrees outside. My horse however is wearing three.

8. It is so cold outside that when condensation forms on the inside of the windows, it freezes. So there is ice on the inside of our house... and our car... and everywhere else we go.

9. You can't make it into the garage because your it doesn't have enough traction to get up the driveway. So you park outside and either your car won't start, or it does and then gives you a very angry red warning telling you that the coolant in your engine froze. You also might think you have flat tires, but really it's just that the temperature has dropped so much that the pressure in your tires goes out the windows - meaning that you change tires unnecessarily while out in the middle of nowhere.

10. Your dog tries to go outside and then calls for you with a stranded and helpless yelp, as the icicles appear between her toes after about .00001 seconds outside. The same thing happens in the garage, where it's only 20 degrees.

Thank goodness the snow is pretty.